She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
