ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
