This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
