I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
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So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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