I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
