Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
