Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
