fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
