my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
