I skipped work to stalk him.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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