don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
