When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
