i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
where are my eyebrows?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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