Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
