Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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