Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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