Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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