Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
