If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
