Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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