her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My ass is underappreciated
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
