Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
