but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
