She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
