i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
