my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
