My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
