drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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