also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I currently don't understand fingers.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
