Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
