Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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