just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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