No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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