what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
