it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
handjob tips. give me some.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
