omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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