Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
