If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
