Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
