I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.