apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.