nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.