just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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