omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.