In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch