your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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