She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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