There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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