we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.