HIV tests are more positive than that guy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?