it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO