I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed