Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Green mimosas i think yes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.