I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing