we have officially lost it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
