tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
