i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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