he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
