i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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