so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
