Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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