i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
