Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
tell me about the eggs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
