i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
