Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
