3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
