so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
