Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
