His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
