At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
