Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
