my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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