Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
