you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
