oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
