Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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