I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
